When it comes to dealing with issues in personal areas, Avery Warwick is an expert.
Why is every Avery Warwick product all natural? Because she’s naturally stupid and hateful. None of these products will solve any of your problems, and that’s the whole point. When you’re a gullible chud, you believe anything will naturally solve your problems.
No, Not Those Lips
These are products for those thick cut Arby’s Roast beef drapes you’re calling lady-parts. We know you have one of those wide-set Montana vaginas.
Bulk Pumps
Our products come with bulk pumps, because we know you have a lot of territory to cover down there, with all those folds and flaps.
We Won’t Tell Anyone
All sales are our little secret, like the undocumeted immigrants you hire to clean your house, or that time you hooked up with a chick and kinda liked it.
Unscientifically Formulated
There’s no telling what the fuck we put in these bottles. With the FDA losing funding, we’re just sorta mixing shit in here and seeing what happens.
12-pack: $19.99
Introducing: Avery Warwick – Condoms for Racists
We know you’re Pro Choice, and also a little racist. Prevent pregnancy the racist way.
Are you tired of rolling around in your own ignorance without any backup plan? Looking for a way to ensure the next generation won’t inherit your outdated worldview? Well, friend, these Regret condoms are just for you—the proud, the loud, the hopelessly hateful.
REGRET – Condoms for racists:
-
Keeps Your Hateful Heritage in Check
Nothing says “I’m stuck in the past” like refusing to evolve your thinking. Lucky for you, “REGRET” Condoms make sure you don’t pass that mindset on to any unsuspecting offspring. It’s the ultimate courtesy to the rest of humanity. -
Fortified Latex to Contain Your Hot Air
Let’s face it: you’re full of it—misinformation, stereotypes, and that weird superiority complex. Our extra-thick latex is designed to keep all that nonsense firmly under wraps. Think of it as a barrier between your partner’s future—and your questionable opinions. -
Comfortably Confining
Just like your worldview, these condoms might feel a bit restrictive—but hey, that’s the point. If you’re going to hold on to your small-minded ideas, you might as well keep the rest of us safe from them. -
Customized Fit for Narrow Perspectives
We realize not everyone is comfortable with inclusivity, so we’ve made these condoms exceptionally snug. After all, a narrow worldview deserves a suitably narrow prophylactic.
Avery Warwick Best Seller:
FUPA WIPES
So, you’ve got a FUPA (Fat Upper Pussy Area). Big whoop, what angry white woman doesn’t? Meet your new best friend: FUPA Wipes. Think of ’em like those fancy cloth napkins at a five-star restaurant—except for the real MVP downstairs. Because the redneck chud you’re dating won’t let you in his F-250 if you smell like garlic and gym sweat.
If you’re gonna show your body some love, do it with something that keeps you fresh, friction-free, and far from funky. Remember: a clean FUPA is a happy FUPA.
100 wipes: $29.99
Avery Warwick
Born in 1925, Avery Warwick is a bigot and racist… oh wait, she wasn’t born in 1925. That’s weird? So why does she act like it’s the 1950s? Odd.
Avery Warwick has been featured on Fox News, where she talked about wildfires — which is hilarious since she’s not an expert on forestry science, but it’s very on-brand for her to talk out of her ass.
She was an art history major at UCLA before she was kicked out of the school for being “a threat to her fellow students safety” — per her own words.